Dunzo

Today was pretty shocking. I didn't expect anything that happened today. I am very disappointed with someone. VERY. I've been tagging along on a string with this boy and I finally get to see him, but he's too sick to come out. For one, I'm driving. Two, if he wanted to see me SO bad, nothing would have stopped him. I know if I was sick, I'd still be out. Third, he can work SO hard up at the top, but can't come out and chill. I'm fucking fed up with being treated the way I am with him. For him to try to start arguing with ME, like it's MY fault. FUCK THAT. He's suppose to be my friend, but he talks to me incredibly rudely. I don't need anyone like that in my life at all. I don't need to be constantly dropping everything I have going on, for him. When, I am the one he is dropping in a heartbeat. This was seriously the last straw on what I had with him. I'm done taking shit from him. From this point forward, he isn't worth anything. 

You just fucking lost the best thing that will ever happen to you. 

I guarantee it.

Amen

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Do not make excuses for a man and his behavior. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that is not meant to be. Never live your life for a man, find what makes you truly happy. Don't stay because you think things "will get better". You can only control yourself in a relationship. You can't change someone even if you tried, they can only change themselves. Change comes from within. Don't ever make him feel that he is more important that you are. Do not make him into a God. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. If a man cheated on you, he'll cheat on you again. It's simple as that. You should not be the one doing all the bending, compromise is a two way street. You should never look for someone to complete you, a relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Make him miss you sometimes - when a man knows where you are all the time - he'll take it for granted. Don't fully commit to man who doesnt give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love is

not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to 

commit to something, someone, no matter 

what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.

Maybe making that choice, again and again,

day in and day out, year after year, says

more about love than n e v e r having a choice 

to make at all.

Cupid's Chokehold

Today

I got my TB test :( It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - since I never had a shot in so long. But I have to go back on Thursday to have it read.

I'm waiting for Christy to get home, so I can go to the new house with Uncle Paul and start painting my room! I'm so excited :)

Yesterday was a lot of fun :) I got a little brown! Ate, played UFC, went to KCC, Kahala Mall with Rix, and hung out with Mama Kelly at night. I had quite the "deep conversations" in one day. 

I got called back from Abercrombie! So I have my orientation on Saturday at 3PM. I'm so excited to work there. Jess, Gabby, Travis & Tom already work there.

Saturday, Matty should be coming over, but I don't know all the details. I wanna go pick him up really bad instead of having him drive here. We'll see. He's also a little sick, so I hope he feels better soon!

Moving Along

So I've applied to Abercrombie, The Pineapple Room in Macy's, and Victoria's Secret. I'm very excited, and I hope I receive some good news!

Today was very long, but fun. I tagged along with my parents again to run errands. I also had my eye exam today, and should be getting my colored contacts pretty soon. 

I could have gone out with Jessica to the Third Eye Blind concert, but my parents didn't want me driving out there at night. It would have been nice to hang with Jess because it's been so long, but hopefully I'll see her more often if I get the job at Abercrombie.

I completed my first puzzle of Sodoku EVER, from the newspaper. Those are always so tough! Haha.

I have 1o more pages to read of "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks. (I will finish after typing this up) It's so good and sad. I can't believe I'm done with two books already. I love it though, I really miss reading and I'm glad I finally can make time to do so.

One thing I've been thinking about lately, is my relationship with Matt. We're "best friends" right now, but it's somewhat confusing because if we were together, it would be the same thing what we're doing. Texting and calling each other whenever he's done with his chores around the house. I don't quite understand how it would be different other than by just taking away the label of "boyfriend/girlfriend." I'd like to know, but I'm scared to bring it up just because I don't want to end up fighting with him about things. I'd just like an explanation, but I think I'm going to just go with the flow, for now, because I do enjoy where I am with him right now. I don't want him to think that we should be together if he doesn't feel that way...with all the extra pressure. It's fustrating just because what we're doing now, how I'm acting, how I'm not getting mad, or worried about things, is what it would be like if we were together. I swear, that night we broke up, I realized so much. SO MUCH. But, he doesn't believe things will be any different. I'm showing him a lot of improvement, but I don't know if he's noticing it because it's something that he's not interested in. Who knows. I'll let things play out.

Next Episode

Alot has happen since I last updated. I am currently looking for another job. Hopefully I can get to job hunting soon. The new house is starting to finally come along :) I'm excited for that. Matt and I are just best friends now. It was very tough, but I'm glad I decided to keep him in my life. I would have just been bitter and upset about how everything ended, I know it. I feel like I made the better choice instead of putting myself ahead of how I was feeling in the moment. It's tough on us, on him. He's got a lot of priorities to take care of at home with his parents, getting a job, and school. I'm glad I can still be here for him, as a best friend at least. He means the world to me, and I hope he knows that.  We just got to take things one step at a time right now. His life is quite hectic and I hope things look up for him. I really do. He's such a nice guy and he deserves a break. He works way too hard for his age for his parents around the house, constantly - 24/7. I still love him with all my heart, and I will always. He's taught me so much about everything, I'm extremely grateful for everything we've been through, and yet to go through as best friends. A part of me feels like we never really took time to develop being best friends. Yeah, he helped me with a boy situation once and I had a completely different outlook on him as a person. But, I feel now, that when we were together, we became best friends. We didn't get a period where we were just best friends looking out for each other, being there for each other. Like there was a different motive as to why we considered each other our best friend because we liked each other. I have no idea if that made any sense at all, but I know what I mean, haha. We'll see how everything goes. We need to develop this area of our friendship more. So I'm looking forward to what the future has in store for us.