Fuck

Today was the most frustrating, irritating, life-altering day ever. I'm going back home for college..something I never thought I'd be doing. I can't believe how an issue over a hotel payment can change everything very quickly. I don't regret anything. I don't regret not giving in, at all. I was told not to take shit from anybody. If things don't go how I expected, think of another way, right? 

Yeah, I was being stubborn as fuck. I'm not going to allow someone I dislike, with a passion, tell me what to do. There were many options. But, that's how it all played out. I enjoyed hearing her bitch about me. She has no idea what I'm doing for her son. Yeah, she's paying for him to be up here. But she must not be supplying enough for him, if I'm dishing out all the cash for everyday essentials. The nerve to still say "Go to Vegas, so we can buy a house!" That still blows my mind on how selfish people can be. Just so they can gamble and have a outlet to go to Vegas in the first place. He doesn't even want to go there. 

I think parents should be more aware of their children's wants and needs. I sure hope when I'm older..I KNOW when I'm older I will be the best to support and provide what my child needs. I know I'm going to spoil them because they deserve it. I can't, but I can wait. Haha. 

I'm sorry if YOU have to read/hear/see this. 

Anyways, going home is going to be great, I know it. I get to see my parents everyday, my friends, and hopefully have a Bitsy! My parents might be moving into a new house, on the marina. Just how my dad wanted, which will be great. I think my parents will be a lot happier there, and that's all that matters. 

The only thing is my relationship with Matt. In Oregon, we had so much freedom. But we can't have too much of a good thing, I suppose. I am just very scared and doubtful. I want to stay with him, but I know there are going to be sooo much obstacles I'm going to have to face. *-fisjc I have to face. I don't see myself going over to his house, AT ALL. I don't feel comfortable even more. Christmas was horrible there. I shouldn't have to put myself in a situation like that. I'm over that shit. All I fear is that I'm going to HAVE to deal with this if I do want to be with him for the rest of my life. Worth it?

I hope something happens that will help me out. 

Reasons

Why I wake up with a smile and go to sleep happy.

Up

Cutest/Best Movie EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERRRRRRRRR.

I'm going to make my own adventure  book now :D

Man VS. Wild Tuesday 6/2

"You climb that tree so easily"

"I know, I'm like a gazelle"

Summer To Do List!

1. Swim with Dolphins at Sea Life Park

2. Beach!/BBQ

3. Jog every week

4. Eat at: 

-Teddy's

-Salad Creations

-Genki Sushi

-Outback

-Pho

-Therapy

-Popeyes

-Shokudo

-PF Changs

5. Shop

6. Cook Dinner & Wine

7. Read a Nicholas Spark's book

8. Get a Job

9. Get Mattipoo a new outfit

10. Party

11. Buy Bronzer

12. Hiking

13. Honolulu Zoo

14. Go to Pearl Ridge

15. Tan Hello Kitty Build-A-Bear

16. Buy a Hairdryer

17. Matsumoto's Shave Ice

18. Waimea Beach

19. Atlantis Submarine

20. Hanauma Bay

21. Colored Contacts!

22. Get Tooth Fixed

23. Find A Sunflower Field!

24. Make an Adventure book

25. Get a BITSY!

26. Get a Car

27. Matt's Belated B-day Dinner

28. Watch Year One/Ice Age

29. Spend July 4th w/ my Baby

To Be Continued..

Hahah

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer. 

- Chelsea Handler

Motto

In life, we do things. 
Some, we wish we had never done,
and some we wish we could replay a million times,
but they make us who we are and, 
in the end, they shape and detail us.
If we were to reserve them, 
we wouldn't be the person we are today.
So, just live. Make mistakes and have wonderful memories.
But, never second guess who you are, where you've been
and, most importantly, where you're going.

This will be me!

Falling in Love

When you grow up, falling in love becomes more

about finding someone whose strengths match

your weaknesses. Who you can spend Sunday

evenings with, who you don't mind lying next to

every night<3

!!!

Wants

Currently:

1) A Haircut

2) Eat at Olive Garden

3) My baby to get a tattoo sleeve

4) Go back home!

5) Bitsy!

Silly

Never Say Never

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzXUy0nljEw

Syndicate

Baby close your eyes

Don't open til the morning light

Don't ever forget

We haven't lost it all yet

And all we know for sure

Is all that we are fighting for

Baby don't forget

We haven't lost it all yet

People who belong together stay together,

despite major setbacks and disagreements

they may deal in fault and blame temporarily

but ultimately they work things out.

Love conquers all.

Movie

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person. If he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you."

-He's Just Not That Into You

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

Love like you've never been hurt.

So the last 24 hours have been very rough. It still hurts to look at my baby, but I know in order to be together, we have to get through this. It hurts to know he knew I trusted him, completely. A day later, he'll go and test it. I feel like he took advantage of me, he knew how much it was for me to fully trust him. I don't know what was going through his head, and I'm sure I never will, but I know for a fact, he wasn't thinking of me in that moment at all. I find it hard to believe that he never really thought twice before opening the link. He never stopped and had a moment like "I shouldn't be doing this" or "I can't do this because it will upset her" or "I don't even need this because I have something better." I don't know. I think that is the part that hurts the most. I've always been here and all of a sudden he feels the need to look at something like that. On our eight months! I'm still torn and I hope I will be able to get over this. But, I know it's going to take a lot of time and patience from the both of us. 

It's crazy because right after I told him I trusted him, I felt like a load of weight was taken off my shoulders. I always went to bed happy, looking over at him sleeping, thinking I was the luckiest girl alive because I had the sweetest boyfriend ever. Once I discovered everything, my heart was crushed. I was so angry, hurt, disappointed, and I felt betrayed. I felt like my dream boyfriend was too good to be true. After this, it's very hard to look at him in the eyes for longer than seven seconds. I feel like he's different. I know he's truly sorry and everything, but it happened. There's nothing that change that. I just hope what he did was worth it, because what he's in for isn't so pleasant.

I hope he knows that by choosing to stay with him and try to work past this is ALOT. I don't want something like this or anything that will hurt me, to happen again. He is very lucky I'm still around. I always thought about how I would handle if I caught him doing something bad, and I would have been out of his life in a second. 

"Most of us can forgive and forget, we just don't want the other person to forget that we forgave." 

I still believe in my heart that he is a great guy and mistakes do happen. It's just if he'll learn from it. Unfortunetly, this could AND should have been avoided. It's going to take a lot of time for me to get over this completely where I can trust him again. I hope he's willing to prove that to me. I hope he knows a good thing when it's been in front of him all along.

This is the first time I have ever dealt with an issue like this..so it's a good learning experience, I suppose. This is going to be my lesson about forgiving. When you fall in love, you're giving the person to ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Just because I forgive him, doesn't mean it's okay. That I'm going to be okay. I just hope this works out.

I still love him and believe everything will be okay..in time.

Inspiration

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

 

The reason so many people find it so hard to be happy is that

 they will always see the past better than it was,

 the present worse than it is,

 and the future less resolved than it will be.

 

I don't think anyone really has it together,

we're all contradicting ourselves, in our heads...

doubting everything we do, questioning every glance,

and analyzing every conversation.

 

You must train your intuition -- you must trust the 

small voice inside you which tells you exactly what to say, what to decide.

 

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.

 Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible. 

All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope. 

 

Behind every untrusting girl is a boy who taught her to be that way.

 

She asked him what he would do for her

He said he would do anything

She told him...'stop breakin my heart

 

The only person who can make you

 feel better is the person who hurt you.

 

Future Destinations

For Laughs

Guys are like...

laxatives- they irritate the crap out of you.

bananas- the older they get the less firm they are.

weather- nothing can be done to change them.

blenders- you need one but your not quite sure why.

chocolate bars- sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

commercials- you cant believe a word they say.

department stores- their clothes are always 1/2 off.

government bonds- they take so long to mature.

mascara- they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

popcorn- they satisfy you, but only for a little while.

snowstorms- you never know when there coming,

how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

lava lamps- fun to look at but not very bright.

parking lots- all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Next Level

"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, 

so that we can see life with a clearer view again."

So there's a lot that has to be covered and thankfully it's all good news. This past week has been a crazy one. I had the deepest conversation ever with my boyfriend and I finally, completely, honestly, trust him. I felt like the past was causing me to doubt him, and us, because there were many questions I had unanswered. Or many stories were not completely told. It meant the world to me that he was willing to answer anything and everything I was unsure about. I felt like we grew in our relationship, for the better, where we should have been already. But, somethings take time, and I'm just thankful it was able to happen. Better later than never. 

We got to go to our school's pool for the first time, which was a lot of fun. Too bad the pool wasn't heated and it wasn't during daytime where the cold would actually feel good. 

Yesterday was our eight months :) It was nice. We went to watch Earth, which was super cute! 

This week is my USEM presentation, well actually tomorrow. I'm nervous, yet anxious. I just can't wait to get it over with. Damn class has been stressing me all term. 

For the weekend, MattiPoo and I are going Downtown to check out the sidewalk sale and go to YOGURT HUT! I'm not sure if what I'm expecting from back home, but I'm excited for Matt to try it. It better be good, since it's a long ass walk!

Omg, so I totally blew it on Matt's surprise birthday gift. HAHHAAH. Dumb.

Memorial day = OLIVE GARDEN! I'm also excited to eat there with my baby. It'll be our first time.

I'm ready for summer!!!!!! I hope it's all I expect it to be. 8)

Past

Does the past matter? 

Does it matter if it's hidden?

The whole truth unrevealed?

Or is it the best way to go about?
What if one finds out the whole truth?

Why am I so vulnerable?

I haven't ever gotten like this before

and I don't enjoy this feeling.

Always second guessing myself

and others.

Love me for me, right?

Why do I feel I am not being myself 100% of the time?

I was never this insecure or worried.

I don't know what's real right now.

Or at least what I'm hoping.

Sweetness

"I could wake up to this everyday and it'll never get old."

-Matty<3

Personal Day Off

So, yesterday I woke up and decided not to go to classes. Along with my boyfriend, who skipped PreCal :)
We went to get his very long hair cut! I love it. Then, we ate at Bonsai. I wish we gone there sooner because it was so delicious! Sushi, noodles, miso soup, and hot tea.

  
Next, we went to the pet store and there was a little white highlander terrier. I think that's what it was called. I wanted to buy it so bad, but we can't have pets in the dorm. We spent about an hour talking to the owner and played with the puppy.

We watched two movies after. Ghost of Girlfriend's Past and the X-men movie, both were super good :)

It was a great day to skip classes ;)

:)

I feel pretty good today. I only had one class at 2 PM, which was very fun. I love my psychology counseling class. It's a good escape and interesting to bond with a group of strangers put together. 

I don't have bad dreams about my baby anymore and I LOVE it. He's the greatest ♥

I got my H.Co shorts in the mail today! It was a pleasant surprise because they came two days earlier than expected. 

The sun is finally out, compared to yesterday. I'm excited. It's beginning to feel a loooot like summer! :)

I started reading alot of quotes again, I forgot how much I loved that.

"They say that Disneyland is the "happiest place on 

Earth". Obviously, they've never been in your arms."

Finally

Picked up the wine! 

I'm super excited to finally drink some over dinner with my baby :)

Going to the ISA Fashion Show for my USEM project.

I'm sure it's going to be entertaining.

Update later ♥